The Cultural Gutter

taking the dumb out of fandom

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -- Oscar Wilde

Dealing with the R-Type Personality

Gutter Guest
Posted January 13, 2011

R-Type brighter 80.jpgR-Type has a funny way of showing its affection. It doesn’t give you black eyes, but it still makes them red and twitchy. You don’t eat as much. You abuse caffeine and
other stimulants, as if that makes much of a difference. Its benchmark of expectation keeps rising. Make no mistake: The standards presented will destroy you; while R-Type itself remains
unscathed on its pedestal. After a while it might become difficult to deny to friends that you are having a troubled relationship with it.

Enhanced by Zemanta

If this sounds familiar, there’s a good chance you’re not alone in suffering silently. R-Type gets around more than it lets on, and sometimes with people you’d prefer not to imagine. I recently found out that one of my friends decided to get a hold of R-Type precisely because of my warnings. If this was true, and my friend was really scoring with R-Type, I’d just have to try harder.

There was a time when R-Type only wanted you for your money, and would only meet you in the darkest corners of the pool hall, jostling you for every coin in your pocket. I’d heard the rumors, but that didn’t stop me. You see, a few weeks ago, I considered myself something of a player. The current landscape presented no challenge. Just how bad could things be? I’d just give R-Type a go, you know, nothing serious. Things would shake out different for me.

I first tracked down R-Type on my iPhone, but soon learnt that it prefers to meet where no one is watching you. R-Type likes to be in control right from the get go.
Thinking I’d do this on my terms, I naively invited R-Type into my home.

R-Type Personality 250.jpgInitially, there was a little bit of awkward banter, some business of “blasting off into space and striking the evil Bydo empire”, but after those lofty promises, I didn’t learn much else about R-Type. What followed was a chaotic blur of pure masochism and self hate. *While I felt responsible for where things were going, R-Type soon made it crystal clear that it was only interested in fucking me.

I found this a little unsettling at first, but soon began to respect the honesty of such a pure, albeit reptilian gesture. This respect, however, remains unreturned. That’s the basis of any kind of relationship with R-Type.

I’ve heard some stories where apartments had been violently re-arranged after people had learnt that R-Type wasn’t really right for them. But not me. It takes a special kind of person to understand R-Type. Sure, it might be a bit older, and not the best-looking prospect out there… but, believe me, if you look deep enough into that black, callus heart, you just might lose a piece of yourself.

It’s the little victories that lure you in. After navigating some obvious early mine fields, you might start to think that things are going to go your way… hell, you just might even get into a familiar groove, take things to the next level—sorry to break it to you, but this is just a ploy R-Type does to give you a false sense of security. It does this with everyone. Those initials on the wall of those before you, those are notches on its belt. Those people were not loved. They were broken. But sometimes you need to be broken to find yourself.

Despite the obvious red flags, I still managed to be convinced that the real problem was me, and had been all along. If I’d only paid more attention I might have noticed that there was a way to avoid all of those sudden seemingly constant humiliations, unwarranted explosions. In fact, all of that aggression was waiting for any time I wandered off the agreed course, and it was always assumed that I should know better. The terms of engagement might seem rigid, but they are fair. R-Type may not be perfect, but if you can just stick in there, and develop a knack to handle the often delicate baggage with tact and diplomacy, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I just know there is!

I might not have the nerve now, but looking down the line, it’s only a matter of time before things will start to change for me and R-Type. Maybe if I work out more, I won’t continue to embarrass myself in front of R-Type.

Maybe if I continue to dig deeper into what’s left of my self respect, I might just find a part of me that can beat R-Type at its own game. But until then, like many before me, I choose to look it in the face and take my lashings with gratitude.

I fucking love you, R-Type.


Note: Since writing this over 1 month ago, I am no longer involved with R-Type. But if you see R-Type
around town, please tell them I say “Hi.”

~~~

DARRYL SHAW <LIEKS> VIEDO GMES AND JUST MAED A MOVEI ABOUT ROBOTS!!1!!1 WTF LOL CH3K IT OUT!!1!!1

Comments

Leave a Reply





  • Support The Gutter

  • The Book!

  • Of Note Elsewhere

    At Teleport City, the Gutter’s own Carol writes about 12 books that vary in reputability and their harrowing nature. They include books by Shirley Jackson, Raymond Chandler, Patricia Highsmith and Herman Melville.

    ~

    Anne Billson has posted a 1985 interview she did with director George Miller (the Mad Max films). Miller talks about many things including Aunty Entity’s probable past as a hero and Max as, in Mel Gibson’s words, “a closet human being.” (Thanks, Matt!)

    ~

    At New York Magazine, David Wallace-Wells writes about bees, colony collapse disorder and beekeeper Dave Hackenberg. “It’s been a long decade for bees. We’ve been panicking about them nonstop since 2006, when beekeeper Dave Hackenberg inspected 2,400 hives wintering in Florida and found 400 of them abandoned — totally empty. American beekeepers had experienced dramatic die-offs before, as recently as the previous winter in California and in regular bouts with a deadly bug called the varroa mite since the 1980s. But those die-offs would at least produce bodies pathologists could study. Here, the bees had just disappeared. In the U.K., they called it Mary Celeste syndrome, after the merchant ship discovered off the Azores in 1872 with not a single passenger aboard. The bees hadn’t even scrawled CROATOAN in honey on the door on their way out of the hive.”

    ~

    Andrew Nette has a pair of interesting pieces on pulp you might be interested in. First, he writes about “the New Pulp” and a bit about Fifty Shades of Gray in “Fifty Shades of Pulp.” Then he writes about pulp and literacy and furthering social advancement in “Pulp and Circumstance.”  “Most people view pulp as either exploitative lowbrow culture or highly collectable retro artefact. Yet pulp has a secret history which Rabinowitz’s book uncovers. Her central thesis is that cheap, mass-produced pulp novels not only provided entertainment and cheap titillating thrills, but also brought modernism to the American people, democratising reading and, in the process, furthering culture and social enlightenment.”

    ~

    The Projection Booth interviews actor Ed Asner.

    ~

    Transcript from BAFTA’s tribute to director Johnnie To, “Johnnie To: A Life In Pictures.” It’s a great interview with To about his films and process. “Like when I made The Mission I didn’t have a script. It was 1999 and I didn’t have any money so we went to Taiwan and they gave us very little money to hurry up and make a film, so without any script we just started making it. And after 19 days we made the film.” (Thanks to the Heroic Sisterhood!)

    ~

  • Spilling into Twitter

  • Obsessive?

    Then you might be interested in knowing you can subscribe to our RSS feed, find us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter or Tumblr.

    -------

  • Weekly Notifications

  • What We’re Talking About

  • Thanks To

    No Media Kings hosts this site, and Wordpress autoconstructs it.

  • %d bloggers like this: